It’s about time I updated you all on my Forum Infidelity.
I did not confess my sins. I did not beg forgiveness.
I have, however returned to my favourite forum. Somewhat meekly at first, then with all the gusto and passion common to the guilty.
It would seem that the shiny newness of other forums and friendships with forum members outside the forum walls has worn a little; the situation has cooled.
My original post was tongue in cheek, I didn’t really feel terribly guilty about beoming addicted to forums or “cheating on the forum” with other forum members.
Because of the post - despite all it’s silliness, I have discovered something interesting.
People are searching for information about cheating online or online infidelity in numbers I was both surprised and saddened by. To a lesser extent they are searching for Australian Forums (so I will add a link with a list of some that I know of below) but mostly I am interested in exploring the idea of online infidelity.
If you have found this post via a search engine I’d love to know why you were searching on such terms. Here is my list of assumed reasons:
- You suspect your partner is cheating online.
- You suspect your partner is planning to cheat with someone they met online.
- You are looking for avenues to find a willing partner to cheat with online.
- You are looking for avenues to find a willing partner to cheat with in the actual world.
- You are looking for information about catching your partner cheating in the actual world.
- You are looking for clue or symptoms of a partner cheating online or otherwise.
I’m sure there are a myriad of other reasons and would love to hear them if you’d care to leave a comment. You can do so anonymously (your email address will not be visible).
For everyone viewing this post - especially my fellow entrecard droppers, for just a moment consider these things:
Are we as a society becoming more untrustworthy or simply more untrusting?
What constitutes cheating online TO YOU?
Where is your line?
If you are involved with someone is the fact that they private “chat” with members of the opposite sex on a forum or social site cheating? Is Flirting? Emailing? Exchanging Photos? Text Messages? Phone Calls?
What if they are a member of an online dating service? What if they were a member before you were together? What if that was how you met? What about instant message networks ICQ, MSN etc?
When does it become cheating? At what point are you betrayed …. or betraying?
Now that I have really thought about this I realise for me it would become an issue quite early; when no matter how innocent the correspondence or flirtation is, it is crossing a line (if not the line) when screens are minimised or switched to be hidden. Little white lies told about what is so engaging online… as soon as the behaviour becomes secretive I have lost what is of most value to me in a relationship and therefore I am betrayed… or betraying.
Tags: australian forums, cheating online, confessions, infidelity, online infidelity
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I agree with you about what constitutes cheating - online or off. If you have to lie about it then you have crossed a line. I will show my partner all of my emails, chats, etc… and never have to leave the room to have a phone conversation. I have nothing to hide from him and I expect the same from him (although I don’t check his emails or computer on a regular basis for any reason, but when it has come up he never hides anything). If that ever changed then I would become immediately suspicious.
Very interesting questions. Our relationship and family rule is: NO SECRETS. Surprises are acceptable but secrets are bad. Secrets and sneaking around a secret, make people all scrambled egg in the head.
Because I work with sensitive information, I have strict rules around confidentiality. This is very different to secrets and surprises (as all the kids have understood). If the kids, or my husband, are trying to hide something or keep something secretive, I am sure they create such cognitive dissonance for them selves that they would cough up the truth. Such is the value of our rule around NO SECRETS.
Flirting with another person either on or off line, if kept secret, would be an issue of dishonesty, cheating and betrayal for me.
I am prepared to be judged on what it is I do when people cannot see me…including on what my partner cannot see or hear.
Great post Robyn…thought provoking and value laden.
I found the other post and am looking for this reason:
“You are looking for clue or symptoms of a partner cheating online or otherwise.”
You are right and after reading this I know I don’t need any evidence. I am being lied to and that’s all I really need to know.
Bobbie Dawn - Yes leaving the room for phone calls would raise my eyebrows too. It sounds as though you are open and honest with each other and therefore happily won’t have to worry about such things.
Megan - Thanks for your comments.
“I am sure they create such cognitive dissonance for them selves that they would cough up the truth. Such is the value of our rule around NO SECRETS.”
I think this is a really interesting concept. I wonder if it applies to people who are cheating or at least have crossed lines of honesty with their partners and that’s what makes their partner’s suspicious. I mean that their own guilty feelings are throwing out suspicious behaviours that they can not hide.
You know most times when I have heard the stories of people who have been cheated on, either people I know or people on TV - they usually say they knew, inside they knew.
Jen, I am very sorry to hear that. It sounds as though you need at the very least to have some conversations about how important honesty and disclosure about certain things are to you and see where it leads.